Frequently Asked Questions About Coaching

Why do people hire coaches?

To get something they want. Most people who hire coaches are successful, high-functioning individuals. They know there must be a way to bring the kind of satisfaction they have in some areas of life to the areas where progress is slow. If you want something different than what you are currently experiencing, a coach can help you see new possibilities and move beyond your present limits. Underneath the things we want such as more confidence, more freedom, or more fun is the basic desire to be happy. Coaching helps a lot!

What is relationship coaching?

Relationship coaching is an effective way to bring out the best of your relationship. It shifts how you think, talk, and behave as a couple to create more collaboration and happiness. A basic premise I hold is that your relationship is a living being with unique and evolving needs. A wonderful shift occurs for couples when they focus on the needs of their relationship system rather than the pushes and pulls of one another. 

What kind of advice do you give?

While I share specific areas of my expertise, such as research findings and effective practices, I don’t do a lot of advising. (well, a little moreso in relationship coaching.) You have the answers; my job is to help you to tap into your most creative, alive, and empowered self, and to reveal the current dynamics.  That's what opens the doors for your inner creative genius to be activated. Your work and your decisions build from there. I provide structure, safety, and encouragement for the process.

What’s the difference between coaching and therapy?

Therapists and coaches share many tools such as thought-provoking questions. Therapy developed from the study of what goes wrong with people and how to fix it. People with eating disorders, addictions, clinical depression, and other mental health conditions should seek assistance from a therapist rather than a coach. Coaching comes from the perspective that nothing needs to be fixed; the client is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. We focus on looking at what is here now and where you want to go. Coaching opens up the field of possibilities as you move forward. 

I’m not too sure about sharing private information. How confidential are your coaching conversations?

Both who I coach and the contents of our conversations are confidential. The only exception is where there is an imminent danger that I must report.

Safety is an essential element of the coaching relationship. It's part of what you want to look for during a consultation. Effective work can't happen without a safe environment yet that sense of safety is partly created by the client. If you can never allow yourself to feel safe, coaching may not be the best avenue for you. 

I’m tired. Do I have to commit to action in coaching?

You choose your commitments. You are in charge of where you want to be and when you want to act. That said, taking bold action is a component of effective coaching because there is no real change without it. It can take many forms… including cutting back on commitments! Let's find out what causes your energy drain. Then we can see what actions truly make sense for you. If our agreements include butt-kicking, you'll get one when I think that would best serve you!

I have too much on my plate now. I should start individual coaching when things get settled, right? 

Probably not. As long as you can focus on a 45 minute phone call, working with a coach expands time. You will be more relaxed, efficient, and energized with the help of coaching. The circumstances that make you feel unbalanced get put into perspective. Higher energy, a brighter outlook, and efficient choice of actions may dissipate the current sense of overwhelm. Waiting for all the stars to align has it backwards.

I'm depressed. Is coaching appropriate? 

That depends. Diagnosis and treatment of clinical depression or any other mental illness calls for a mental health professional, rather than a coach. I won't coach anyone I am not able or qualified to help. 

On the other hand, sadness, grief, and "down" times are normal for any human being. Beginning and continuing coaching during these times helps clients be present for all their emotions as they naturally flow from intensity through to resolution. 

What if I begin coaching and want to quit?  

I work with people who plan to stay with coaching for a certain time period. One of the agreements I have with clients is that if either one of us finds that the coaching is not working well, we will bring it up so that we can redesign. (I believe this is a crucial life skill.) That addressed, however, you are free to stop coaching when you want to with two weeks advance notice. Whenever the coaching process comes to an end, we finish with a completion session for a big-picture view of your journey and a fitting send-off. You don't want to miss that piece! 

I want to do couples coaching but my partner isn't interested. What options do I have?

Take it one step at a time. Sometimes, a partner who is not interested in coaching will agree to the consultaion. Go for it. The value of the coaching may hit home. If that doesn't fly, try individual coaching. We all have things to learn about how we contribute to the state of our relationships. Most of us don't realize the power we have to single-handedly effect change. 

I heard about someone who had a negative experience with a coach. How can I avoid having a similar experience?

As with every profession, there is a wide range of expertise and professionalism among coaches. One thing to look at is the coach's training and certification credentials as well as years of experience. Coach training programs that are approved by the International Coach Federation (ICF) have adhered to rigorous standards. The other thing to do is to talk with several potential coaches. Be yourself, ask questions, and see how it feels to interact. The coach will be assessing whether he or she is the best coach for you as well. If you talk with several coaches, you will be in a great position to choose a qualified coach who you like.

You mean the coach is choosing me too? What does a coach look for in a client?

I can only speak for myself on this one. I look for someone who: 

•  is willing to show who they really are (whether they like all they see or not)

•  is willing to take a new look at "the way things are"

•  is willing to, now and then, be uncomfortable in the short run for the sake of peace and fulfillment in long run

Why would a coach hire a coach?

Some people are surprised to hear that I have a coach of my own. Of course! Doctors have doctors, coaches have coaches. How fabulous it is to have one person in my life with no agenda of her own, there solely to help me deepen my insights and make choices from my most real, powerful and visionary self. Like everyone else, I brush off what seems like small stuff. With my coach's help, we take a more curious look and discover rich clues that help me build and maintain my happiest life. I sure don't want to waste my time doing things the hard way! 

Janet, how can you be single and be a relationship expert?

I know... it's not very clever marketing, is it? ;)   There are two ways that experience can serve expertise: 1. you can do everything right and 2. you can do everything wrong. In my case, I combined those. I did a lot right in my marriage of 35 years and I did a lot wrong. I experienced the joy of being part of a couple team. And I experienced the pain of being out of synch and of dealing with divorce. All of it informs and inspires me to help others get it right.  I will be part of a new couple some day. In the meantime, the relationship wisdom that applies to couples applies to every other relationship as well.

Readers: Help me keep this FAQ page alive by sending me your questions!